Here Without You Ch. 6
"Roxas... No, don't go... I'm all alone without you."

The words hung in the suddenly thick air, unheard by anyone but me as I sat on the floor with my hand in the air, not moving an inch.
After staying like that until my arm hurt and I couldn't hold it up any longer, I let it fall to my side. I then pulled my knees towards my chest and hugged them there, rocking back and forth slightly, tears welling up in my eyes once more. I refused to let them fall.

I breathed out slowly, my breath shaking. Unable to pretend he was still there in front of me, I closed my eyes and shook my head. The logical part of my brain refused to believe what had happened, after all, Roxas… had left this world for good, or so it seemed. But my heart knew ever so much better. It knew Roxas wasn't just an illusion of my sorrow-clouded mind, that he had been here, that Roxas had kissed me.

Finally, I got up from my place on the cold, tiled bathroom floor slowly. My knees were still a bit shaky as I stood in the room, unsure of what to do.
That was when my gaze fell upon the razor blade on the floor where I had let it fall. The blade I had wanted to hurt myself with.

"And Roxas," I whispered. I closed my eyes for a few seconds, then picked the blade up from the floor, careful not to hurt myself accidentally. I went to the cupboard on the wall and put it back into the box.

"Thank you, Roxas."

In that moment, the telephone next to the stairwell downstairs started ringing. I didn't want to go out of the room, not just yet. I… I wanted to stay here for a while still. So I waited for Reno to pick up the phone, but that never happened.
I then decided that it was no use waiting and that I should just go downstairs and see who was calling, just in case it was something important… Though what exactly I would say was important right now I didn't know.
So I unlocked the bathroom door, damning Reno for going out exactly now and walked down the stairs briskly, almost missing the telephone as I reached out to grab it in passing.

"Yeah?" I said bluntly.

"Hey, Ax! It's me, Demyx!" I heard a cheerful voice on the other line say.

"Oh. Hey, Dem… What's up?"I asked.

"Uh, not much, I just called to ask you something," he said.

"Sure, ask away," I answered in return, a little more life in my voice now at hearing Demyx' cheerful tone.

"Well, I sorta wanted to ask you if you'd wanna come over to Marly's tonight? He's throwing this Christmas party thing 'cause his parents are out over the weekend."
I thought about that for a moment. The sorrowful part in me wanted to just stay at home and sulk, whereas my heart told me I should go, that it might get my mind off of Roxas for at least a little while. I thought some more, then I agreed to take a chance and try it.

"Alright, Dem, I'm coming along. But, I have one question… How many people are gonna be there?" I asked hesitantly, a little afraid of what Demyx might answer, considering Marly's connections. He knew the whole school, more or less. As an answer to my statement, I received a very loud and girly sounding squeal. I actually had to hold the phone away from my ear to avoid getting deaf. Demyx could be such a girl sometimes! That thought made me chuckle quietly.

Wait. Did I – Had I really laughed, just now? Just thinking that made me smile even broader, and this time, it was a real, genuine, happy smile. I had actually thought I'd forgotten how to…

"Well, he definitely invited Zexy, you, me, this guy called Vexen, Riku, Sora…" Demyx said about five more names before I tuned out, "…and then I guess about another 10 people. It's really not that many, I'd really expected more. Oh, and he said we could all sleep over at his house afterwards!" he practically squealed into the phone.

"W- Wait, wait, wait. All of those people are gonna sleep over there?!" I asked, stunned.

"No, hell no, not all of them," he chuckled. "Nah, just us three. Ya know, 'cause we're best friends and everything. Oh, and we have to get stuff for each other, too, because it's Christmas!"

I heaved a sigh in relief, glad that I didn't have to sleep in a room full of people. I didn't mind buying my friends Christmas presents, anyway.

"Alright. Dem, one more thing; what time is the party…?"

Demyx gasped. "Darnit, I totally forgot that!  It's at eight!"

I looked over to the clock in the hall and saw it was already quarter to seven, and I still had to buy something for everyone and it took me about half an hour to get to Marluxia's house on foot anyway! "Aww man! That means I gotta go like, now and get ready! See ya later Demyx!" I said hurriedly.

"Yeah, bye Ax! See ya at the party!" my best friend answered and hung up.
I ran a hand through my fire-red spiked hair and puffed out a stressed breath. I realized I haven't been to a party of any kind for so long I didn't even know what to start with. Eventually I sort of remembered my routine. "Clothes." I said to myself quietly, running upstairs and into my room, turning on my stereo on the way to my closet, turning it up full blast with my iPod connected.

I felt sort of … light-headed, it was hard to describe. I just felt better for once in my life as I threw open my closet and rummaged through it, trying to find some decent clothes for a party and for a sleep over afterwards.

I settled with a pair of black jeans and a red t-shirt with a crossed out heart on it, then packed a bag with more comfortable stuff to wear and sleep-over necessities.
Seeing as it was five minutes to seven already, I hurried into the bathroom and put on some black eyeliner (Marluxia had once said that looked good on me), then ran downstairs, left a note for Reno to read when he got back and went outside, walking briskly in the general direction of the nearest mall, which was, thank God, right near Marluxia's house.

I got to the party at just three minutes to eight, the presents I got for Demyx, Marluxia and Zexion safely wrapped and stored in the bag slung around my shoulders. To be honest, even if I hadn't known where Marluxia lived, I would've had no problems finding it; the music was so loud I could hear exactly what song was playing two blocks away. He was teasing his neighbors again, I guess.

Marly's parents were realtors and they were fucking rich. They practically owned all of Twilight Town and even parts of Hollow Bastion and sold properties for lots and lots of money. So due to that fact, they all lived in a huge mansion.

I rang the doorbell and about five seconds later, Marluxia poked his head out of the doorway. "Hey, Ax! You came!" he said and pulled the door open wide enough
for me to come in.

"Yeah, of course I did. I mean, I wouldn't want to miss out on one of your epic Christmas sleep-over parties would I?" I asked jokingly and to my mild surprise even laughed. Marluxia joined in and said, "You know where my room is, you can put your stuff there and come back down."

I nodded and went up to the second floor where his room was, opened the door and saw Zexion standing in front of the window looking into the backyard. I went in and set my bag on the floor, not wanting to damage any of the presents inside. Zexion turned around and smiled, his way of saying hello to his friends, since he didn't talk a lot, instead he spent his time reading or just hanging around with Marluxia, Demyx and me. "Hey Zex," I greeted back, smiling too. Damn, I felt so happy without even knowing  why! Zexion seemed to notice that too, but didn't ask anything. I was grateful for that, because if he had asked something, my mood would probably fall right back down.

I asked him if he wanted to come along downstairs, but he declined and said he'd wait a while for everything to calm down a bit. I couldn't blame him; it was pretty loud in the living room.

"Alright, Zex. See ya later then." I said, opening the door, then going out and down the stairs to where the actual party was at.

I wasn't surprised to see bowls of punch standing around everywhere, not just a few probably half full of high percentage alcohol… No wonder everybody seemed to get at least a bit tipsy every time Marluxia threw a party. I saw Demyx somewhere in the middle of the room, dancing to the music with everyone else, so I just joined in. Sometime in between, Marluxia started dancing along with me and Demyx. I didn't really pay attention to the time, and only when it was suddenly real dark outside and a few people were getting ready to leave did I notice that it was about 12 am. I had danced for four hours straight and I was starting to feel it in my legs.

I wove my way through the slowly thinning mass of teens until I reached the side of the room and found a chair I just plopped into, breathing rather heavily. About ten minutes later I got up again and went over to one of the punch bowls, took a cup, filled it and drank some. It tasted… very strongly of alcohol, no doubt that was Marly's doing, but I didn't care. When my cup was empty I filled it up a few more times, slowly but unintentionally getting a bit drunk.

A few more hours later, Marluxia had finally managed to shoo the last teen out of his house. In the meantime, Zexion had also come down and had also danced a bit, but then disappeared to the sidelines again, preferring the solitude, which sadly didn't stay long, for Demyx had discovered his own alcoholic punch bowl and had consumed a bit too much for his own good. It made him even more hyped up than usual and soon he was singing with some people he might or might not have known… But then he saw Zexion at the side of the room, sitting in a chair. That was when Demyx went right over to him and started, well, literally talking him to death, until Marly came to Zexion's rescue and made Demyx drink a few glasses of water to help him sober up a little.

So as Marluxia, Zexion, Demyx and I were the last ones in the house, we went up to Marly's room and got some air mattresses for each of us and blew them up.
When we were all situated comfortably in a circle, Marluxia asked, "So, what do we have for each other?" He looked at us all questioningly, then said, "Fine, I'll go first."

He had gotten Demyx a brand new sitar, in his favorite color blue. For that, he got a bear hug from the still not-so-completely-sober Demyx. For me, he had a really fancy lighter that I loved, being the pyromaniac I am. Zexion had gotten a new laptop, since his old one was pretty beat-up. It seemed as though he liked it.
Demyx was next. He had gotten Marly a new cell phone, complete with camera (Because we all knew how much he loved taking pictures of himself).
Marly pulled off a really girly squeal and hugged him. He turned to me and handed me my present with a smile. I opened it up and inside was a coupon for a free tattoo down at the tattoo parlor, and he said I could get a custom made one for free with it, too. My face lit up like a little kids'; I had always wanted to get another tattoo! He grinned at my reaction, then turned to Zexion, his face suddenly completely serious. "Zexion," he addressed the slate-haired teen across from him, "I give you … My heart."

The slate-haired teen's eyes went wide, his face flushed a deep red, and not for a moment did any of us doubt the truth of Demyx' words, the emotion in his eyes was so very real. He spoke again, softly. "Do you... want to have it, Zexion?" he asked, carefully. The teen across from him looked at him with a soft expression, and with tears in his eyes, he nodded and smiled so happily, it made me feel all fuzzy inside. Tears of joy ran down Demyx' cheeks as he went over to the other boy's side and kissed him fully on the lips. Marluxia grinned so wide I was afraid his face would rip in two if it got any wider. I too felt a tug at the sides of my mouth and smiled, seriously happy to see those two together.

For once, I didn't think of someone else.

Now it was Zexion's turn, and he was trying as hard as he could to keep Demyx' present away from the sandy blond, who was constantly grabbing at it until Zexion slapped him on the shoulder lightly and glared at him playfully. He gave me my present first, a huge box wrapped in shiny silver paper. I took it and shook it lightly, hearing a clinking sound. I looked at him questioningly for a second, then ripped the paper off the box and opened it. I gaped at what was inside, my jaw hanging loose from its hinges and my eyes darting to my friend's grin and the contents of the box.
My gaze hung on two metallic glinting, round weapons, each with eight spikes around the edges. The insides were colored a metallic red, my favorite color! To my surprise, I gave a very girly squeal; one of the sort that I thought only Marly or Dem could pull off. Zexion grinned even wider, of course he knew exactly what I wanted; my nose had practically been glued to the shop window where we had seen them.  
"So, Axel… Do you like your chakrams?" he asked innocently. I looked up at him and grinned like a five-year-old, nodding vigorously. Nodding his head once in acknowledgement, he turned to Marluxia, intent on giving Demyx his present last. As the sandy blond noticed that, he scoffed playfully, but the other teen just ignored him, smirking. Marluxia's present was handed to him next and the pink-haired boy ripped off the paper, he started grinning again, holding it in his hands like his life depended on it.  "Z – Zexy, this is awesome! How did you know I wanted this?! I mean, it was so expensive, you didn't have to get this for me!" He gasped. Zexion just grinned and said, "Oh come on, we all know how much you love flowers, so I got you that book to help you take care of them!" Marluxia just stared at him more, still in awe that Zexion would buy something for him that was so expensive. The book that the slate-haired teen had gotten the other was very thick, and had cost around 50 bucks, even I couldn't afford that! I too just stared at Zexion, who shrugged lightly. That was when Zexion turned to Demyx to give him his present.

It was a small box simply in blue wrapping paper. Demyx took it and opened it up. Suddenly, he gave a loud squeal of joy and wrapped his arms around the other's neck and kissed him, the other teen kissing back just as passionately. Probably part two of his present. I smiled again, then asked, "Hey Dem, what'd your lover get you?" At this, they broke apart, both with a deep blush on their faces and Demyx handed me the box. Inside was a necklace, consisting of a fragile looking chain and a single pendant; a silver musical note. I understood why Zexion had gotten it for Demyx, since the blond loved music and played in a band. I handed the box over to Marluxia for him to see, while the other two had continued where I'd interrupted them.

After a while, I cleared my throat quietly and said to the two lovebirds over on the other mattress, "You guys keep going on like that and I'm gonna keep your presents and share them with Marly!"

They broke apart once more, still staring into the other's eyes. I chuckled, then pulled my bag over to me and took out three presents.

"First, Demyx. Here ya go." I gave him the medium-sized box, watching him rip off the paper eagerly to see what was inside. I grinned as I heard him gasp audibly. "Oh my god, Axel! An iPod?! I've always wanted one of those!" he cried. "I know," I said, grinning even wider. "You've been going on about it since what? Easter?" I laughed as he slapped me on the shoulder playfully, mumbling something that sounded like, "It wasn't that long".

I shook my head, then turned to the boy by Demyx' side and handed him his present, nicely wrapped up in some dark green paper. As he took it, he weighed it up, trying to guess what was inside; even though I was sure he knew vaguely what it was as soon as he put his hands on it. I watched him take off the wrapping more carefully than Demyx, slowly revealing what it really was; and in that moment, when Zexion saw what I'd gotten him, his eyes shone like diamonds. He held it up, it was a book entitled "Illusions – Another Side of Reality". I'd gotten it for him out of the same reason I got Demyx' present; it had also been very apparent for a while that he really wanted that book, ever since he saw it a day after his birthday.
"Axel, thank you so much! You have absolutely no idea for how long I've wanted this book!" he said, smiling. I nodded and said, "No problem. I mean, that's what best friends are for, right?" I joked. He grinned, then
started showing the blond haired teen his present.

Last was Marluxia, he was also probably the hardest one of them to find something for, even though it might not have seemed so.

"Here, Marly. Hope ya like it, got it memorized?" I asked. The pink-haired boy across from me nodded and took the small present as I held it out to him, eagerly tearing the paper off, then gaping at what was revealed to him. "Oh my gosh, Axel! A two hundred dollar gift card for Aerith's flower shop?! You – You really didn't have to spend so much money on me, Ax!" he said breathlessly. I just grinned. I had spent about two months' worth of pocket money on Marluxia's present, but I had the feeling it was worth it. I laughed as the pinkette crawled over to me and gave me a bear hug; I hugged him back.

Suddenly, Zexion called out, "Wait, guys, I still have something for us all!" While we stared at him a bit confused, he went over to his own bag and pulled out three more rectangular presents, then came back and handed each of us one. He gestured for us to open them, which we did, and all of us were amazed by what was uncovered before our eyes.

Each one of us held a picture frame in our hands; and inside each was the same exact picture: All four of us in our favorite diner on the corner, lounging around in a booth, turned to the camera and making weird faces. As the memories came flooding though me, I felt tears gathering in my eyes. Back then… When everything was still okay. I smiled softly, shaking my head slowly, then looked up and saw that every single one of the others also had had tears in their eyes. I then looked at Zexion, who was watching all of us; then simply spoke for all of us. "Thank you."

Only one other time had those two words had so much more to them than just a simple "Thank you". The other teen nodded sagely, then smiled more as Demyx and Marluxia gave him their silent gratitude too.

"It was nothing; isn't that what best friends are for?" he asked innocently, and we all chuckled. "Yeah," Marluxia added, "I guess that is what they're for."
After another round of laughter, I got up from my place and asked, "Alright, who's for getting some sleep now, huh? It's getting really late… Those in favor of staying up may now raise their hands." I said in a really stupid formal tone.
All of us laughed for a second, but no one raised their hand, Demyx even tried to stifle a yawn, at which he failed, so I went over to my bag, pulled out the more comfortable sleep wear and went to the door. "I'll go get dressed over in the bathroom. I'll be back in a sec!" I called over my shoulder, then went out and into the bathroom across the hall.

I came out dressed in some comfortable, grey cut-off-at-the-knees sweats and a white tee. Opening the door to Marly's room, I found everyone in their sleeping stuff already, mostly consisting of just their boxers. Well, whatever was fine for them was fine for me. I laid my stuff down by my bag, then pulled Marluxia's covers and pillow off his bed and laid them on my mattress.

"Oi, Ax! Those were mine!" I heard him say on the other side of the room. I just sat down on the covers and smirked in his direction, "I can't help the fact that your covers're so warm and comfy." Marluxia rolled his eyes and grinned, pulling some extra covers and pillows out of a closet for himself and the others. On the way back to the mattresses he threw Demyx a pillow which hit him square in the face, knocking him backwards off his seat on Zexion's mattress.

"Hey Marly! What was that for?!" he yelled, almost throwing the pillow back, but then keeping it for himself, lying down and resting his head on it.

Zexion got two covers thrown into his lap, because it seemed as though Demyx would not be moving back to his own mattress for the night, which didn't really seem to bother anyone.

Then suddenly, Marly ran over to his bedside table and took something round and rubbery-looking from it. I looked at it questioningly, but Marluxia waved it off. I shrugged and laid down under Marluxia's covers; I hadn't been lying when I'd said they were warm and comfy. As soon as everyone got comfortable on their respective mattresses, Zexion asked, "Now who's gonna get up and turn off the lights?"

Marly picked up the round thing that he had laid on the floor in the meantime. "Problem solved, Zexion," he laughed, then sat up and threw it over towards the light switch, hit it on the right side and the light switched off.

"See?" he asked self-confidently.

Demyx laughed. "Yeah Marly, you're the man," he said.

"Oh fuck you," he growled, then laughed along.
"Alright guys, let's get some sleep, 'kay?" he said more quietly.

"Sure thing. G'night everyone." I said, closing my eyes.

"Night, Ax," came from all three other teens.
I turned onto my side, trying to sleep, which I eventually managed to do.
I wasn't quite asleep enough though to not hear a faint voice saying, "Good night, Axel. Sweet dreams. I miss you, love."



Roxas.